4 Ways to "Show" your Writing, Not Tell It

In college, my English teacher assigned us to write about a high school moment we would never forget. Because it was fresh on my mind, I chose my senior prom. I asked my biggest crush to go with me and bought the most fairy tale-like dress to wear. The night was filled with perfect moments, such as when I crawled through the house window to unlock the front door in my beautiful dress, catching a shrimp in my mouth at dinner, and dancing every second I could with my date.  Plenty of good material.

When the paper came back with red ink and a big, fat D, I couldn’t understand why. My teacher suggested I take it to the tutoring center, and I just stared at her with horrified eyes. Why did I need their help? I was a brilliant writer.

And then she said the three words that still haunt me as I write today.  SHOW, DON’T TELL

I decided to do an in-depth study of HOW to show vs tell my story. One of the basic things I learned was you can “tell” you are “telling” when you find a linking verb, or a passive verb in your sentence. (am, are, is, were, was, be, being, been)

Sam was happy.

Not very interesting, right? There are at least four ways (I know of) to show what is happening to the characters.

1. Dialogue

2. Action

3. Internal thinking

4. Description

Let me show you how I used the 4 key elements to show this sentence rather than tell it. Here is an example I whipped up to a show vs. tell scenario. I included the four aspects of showing throughout.

“Yes, man! We did it,” his friend yelled as Sam’s foot hit home base. Sam turned back to his teammate and bumped his chest. Three runs in a row. The red numbers on the countdown clock clicked to zero, indicating the end of the game. Sam looked up at the cheering fans and spotted his girl. My lucky charm. He picked up the bat he had dropped moments ago and swung it her way. “That one was for you, babe.”

Notice that there is a lot more writing. This is standard. Showing what your character is doing will increase your word count, but you tell me if it was worth it. Which one was more interesting to read? Sam was happy or my expanded version to show Sam was happy?

Readers want to see what the reader is experiencing, not to be told. The key to doing this well is to practice. I could go on and on of how to show vs. tell, but as a teacher and I practice what I preach. You will learn best by doing. Just remember the 4 key elements of showing vs. telling: dialogue, action, internal thinking, and description.

So let’s begin. Here are some “telling” sentences. Choose one or more and show them rather than tell them. Share your version in the comments below.  There is no “one” way of doing this, so you can’t fail.

He was mad.

The sun was bright.

We were on our way.

He had a stomach ache.

She was shy.

I am hot.

Candy made him hyper. (See this would be so much better shown )

If you need more references and examples of how to do this, I found the following website helpful. http://www.wright.edu/~david.wilson/eng3830/creativewriting101.pdf

Please share what else you have learned about showing vs telling from writing workshops or critiques in the comments below. We learn better from each other. I am not a complete expert on this topic, but I have grown by applying these 4 key elements in my writing. Happy writing!